Summary of Findings
3.1 Objective 1: Identify the context and type of family conflict that community peacebuilders have experienced.
We analyzed the data using seven factors that interact to influence the social context of family violence: gender [roles and stereotypes], political structure, religious beliefs, attitudes toward violence in general, [attitudes toward] violence toward women, state-sponsored violence, such as civil conflicts and wars, and migration within and between countries. (Walker 1999, 21) Of these, gender attitudes were the most prominent in the four cases’ immediate experience of family conflict.
3.1.2.1 Gender Roles and Stereotypes
Gender roles play a dominant role in family conflict and violence. Specifically, in these four cases, the men tended to experience a great deal of pressure to conform to socially reinforced images of masculinity, while the women tended to express needs for connection, respect, and being heard. However, this should not be taken to mean that the men felt no need for emotional connection and respect (they clearly did) or that women felt no societal pressures (they clearly did). Rather, gender stereotypes in Cambodia seem to reinforce these types of roles and, in turn, how conflict is experienced by men and women.
The “Strong” Man
The most common image of masculinity expressed was related to strength and power. Practically, strength was derived from the ability of the man to earn the income for the family and a resultant expectation for the man to display this wealth. In one case, this social pressure provoked a disagreement over who was to handle money during travel -
“I wanted to show others that, as a man, I earned the money to spend on my wife or family.”Focus group discussions reflected on the stories each case told as it related to gender. They noted three things in particular. First, domestic duties are commonly associated with weakness, so that -
“The man is very few times encouraged to have time with the children; he is the breadwinner and is seen to be tired after his work; if he returns home from work and sees the mess from the children, he can scold her (the wife) or even beat her and the community would see it as the wife's fault.”Instead, second, the “strong man” may even be encouraged to be aloof from his family -
“Most men here would say that there are three things a man should know, 1) women, 2) wine, and 3) gambling.”Third, the association of money and power with gender roles adds another layer to common family conflict over finances. For example, at times a woman may desire to manage the finances in order to discourage her husband from taking a mistress.
“For my situation, I don't participate in the parties in my neighborhood, so they say to me that I am not a pure man and that I have a woman's attitude - instead of being a man I like doing the housework.”
"...men need to have money in their pocket, especially for the sweetheart. This is why the wife got angry and said the money must be for another woman in the example."Finally, in one case a male peacebuilder felt like his conviction to be different and exhibit strength in non-dominating ways negatively impacted his ability to be respected and listened to by others in the family.
The Domesticated Woman
Both male and female cases also expressed rigid roles for women associated with managing finances (n1) and domestic duties. For example, one male remarked that –
“Sometimes I recognize the nature of a lady as a person stricter on spending money.”And a female remarked that –
“...it is the nature of a woman to see a cleaned and tidy house. … I started to think as well about the differences between men and women. I rather reconciled with him so that the conflict of doing housework might be reduced.”Focus group discussion also reflected on how parental roles are similarly affected by gender stereotypes. Consistent with the ‘strong man’ image, mothers take a more prominent role in parenting.
“Since the baby is born, the mother is always closer to the children; a good father is still not as close as the wife.”This is often the case even for working women.
“Even for the mother who is working and has the business, she still finds a way to be close to the children.” (n2)
Gender and Expressing Vulnerability
Both of these conceptions of masculinity and femininity have a strong relationship to power and control. This, in turn, impacts family conflict. For example, the ‘strong man’ may feel it is difficult to admit mistakes or seek reconciliation, or he may be perceived as weak if he does these things.
“As a man, I feel shame to talk to my wife first when we have a conflict.”These kinds of limits on communication can also lead to more passive-aggressive behaviors.
“A man should not have a mistake.”
“To let it go (i.e., not talk about the conflict) can be understood as an apology. To say it out loud is shameful for a man.”
“Talking first shows his weakness, shows he has a mistake inside him....For the wife to point it out also makes him vulnerable.”
“Then I understood that the nature of man being the husband in conflict is hardly to compromise the wife.”
“Sometimes a man may pretend he is angry to test commitment from his wife. For example, maybe he will not eat food just to hear his wife say, 'you must eat!' and hear her concern for him.”As noted above, power issues often involve income and resources.
“I found out that while the women tried to kick her husband out of the home it was meant she really wanted him to stay with and care for her indeed.”
“The men always say they have the power more than the woman because they find the money and work for the family.”This is especially true if money management is used abusively to exercise control over family members. Focus group discussion also noted that people tend to discourage economic abuse with gender related stereotypes and insults.
“There are two extremes [of economic abuse]: the husband controlling all finances or the wife controlling all the finances. If the husband controls the finances, people say that ‘the husband has a female attitude’ and ‘the wife is suffering when the husband controls the money’ [lyrics from a popular song]. If the woman controls all the finances, the husband is said to be ‘under his wife's skirts.’"
***Notes1) Another important area for further investigation relates to gender and economic transformation in developing nations. Blumberg (1984) argued that women’s control of economic resources is the most significant indicator of gender equality in a society; lower economic power is associated with higher rates of violence and oppression against women. More study into how Cambodian families associate financial management with gender roles and the resultant impact on women’s confidence, autonomy, and freedom from family violence may be fruitful.2) It was also hinted that even females who become primary income earners are often expected to be responsible for domestic duties. In one case’s family of origin, the woman was expected to clean and cook for the husband even though she was quite busy as the primary income-earner for the family.
