"The common problems in my family conflict are lack of understanding or empathy or listening to different thoughts of each other, which always bring us to get angry with each other."
“Most of the conflicts arising within my family involve not listening, which frequently leads us to make a judgment and wrong understanding of one another.”
This inability to be understood was also related to feelings of powerlessness in one or both partners.
"My wife rarely listens to my reasons. She didn't try to understand about me. She demanded for her reason only. To avoid conflict, I had to ignore my own reason and pretended to listen to her."In one example, the peacebuilder had to choose between making what he thought was the best decision in a situation and provoking his wife’s anger -
“She got angry with me, but I didn't care as I didn't know how to make her understand in this immediate situation.”In two other cases, misunderstanding/lack of empathy led to frustration.
"...she didn't understand me. She didn't know what my need was. Sometimes, I told her I needed something for a specific reason, but she always refused. It made me angry with her."These stories also illustrate a consistent limitation when only one family member has learned the KASH, and this limitation seems to be especially strong when the head of household (typically male) has not learned or does not appreciate these values and skills. It seems important that both partners have KASH relevant to family conflict or, at the very least, that peacebuilders are trained in self-empathy as well as empathy for the other. Otherwise, training may actually lead to frustration and disempowerment on the part of the peacebuilder which, in turn, can lead to escalation of conflict.
“My husband is so stubborn and firm on his side....most of the times it made me angry with him. He should listen completely before making a conclusion...”
